I was actually really impressed by how the group seemed able to hold a diversity of views. It felt like people were listening, really interested in what others were saying, and I think that's all you can ask and hope for, with a conversation like this. Right afterwards, I felt resentment at having to sit through and be part of a fairly intense space (intense simply cos there were such a wide range of views, and this always has the potential to be the cause of division), but as my adrenaline faded, so did this emotion.
In the end, I really appreciated having thought about what I currently reckon, having had to articulate something. I wouldn't have done so, had it not been for this external motivation. For those who are interested, I said something like this (although this is more verbose!):
When I thought about the whole idea of my personal belief statement, two experiences came to mind, experiences which, for me, are two sides of the same coin. One was being in high school and telling my friend that I thought she was going to hell. This was not malicious on my part, but simply based on my understanding of the biblical text at the time, and my understanding of her lifestyle. It seemed a simple, straightforward equation.
These days, I'd never say something like that! Who knows what will happen at the end of this life? I certainly don't, and if there is some kind of judgement scene, I can't presume to know God's criteria for judging, not the extent of Her grace. Anyway, the bottom line is, my understanding of the bible has changed over time. Something that once seemed so black and white now seems very grey.
The other experience that came to mind was giving birth to my two children. I know God was present during my labouring and giving birth, present in the awesome miracle of new life drawn from my own body, present in the face of my children as they looked back at me in those first minutes, and indeed as they look back at me now, if I have eyes and the gentleness to see it.
And yet, this experience of birth, despite being held in common by so many around the world and through the ages, is totally not included in the bible. There's mention of a few important births, but certainly no labour stories and nothing from a woman's perspective. And it isn't confined to giving birth - unique female experiences such as menarche and menopause, and the whole gamut of life in between - these moments of Holy Transformation go unnamed and unnoticed in the biblical text.
But I'm a woman, and I'm made in the image of God, so God must encompass these things.
So where does this leave me?
I know that my reading of the bible has changed a lot over the years. So in any given moment, I hold a healthy sense of doubt about how much of the text I actually understand correctly/in its entirety (if this is even possible). There's gaping holes in my understanding.
There's also gaping holes in the bible's descriptions of God, limited as they are to mostly male imagery, and totally lacking a female author. Not to mention that any attempt at describing God will always be fumbling, and will always fall short. (Though this is not to say that these attempts are pointless - we need them.)
So I hold the bible lightly, very happy to engage with the stories but not willing to make sweeping theological statements, especially with regards to others, and certainly not willing to take it as the final word abot God.
No doubt this current belief statement will change also. This is the only thing I'm 100% sure about: that change will occur! I simply hope I have the grace to flex and bend with the changes.
(image from http://sacredbirthing.ath.cx/sblive/)
