Countdown

Here's Piper's countdown calendar (we are up-to-date, she's just used a light pink texta for the last few!). One week from now, exactly, we'll be in the car driving to the airport. Kinda hard to fathom, but time just rolls past inexorably, and things come to pass!

Haven't had much time to blog lately. I've had this strong urge to make lots of Christmas gifts, but I've had to keep on letting go of that idea. Just not enough time. I'm flat out finishing the gifts from family and friends who had birthdays in October and November!

We have, however, been taking lovely photos, so I thought I'd put some up here while I could. I'll probably post next time from Canada. Love to all.

Mr Carlson exits stage left

We've enjoyed having Jesse, a friend from Canada, stay with us. He's been so enjoyable to live with, in fact, that he's renewed my desire to live with other people.... other kid-friendly people! Oh yes, that and having the experience of being surrounded by a dozen amazing women for five days and then coming back to the reality of my comparatively individualistic life!

Gord, Jesse and Jasper this morning

Jasper this arvo, munching on sourdough from the market... ummm!


Did I mention Jasper and I were hanging out in the backyard because I told Piper we could go to the toy library in the arvo, and then realised the toy library wasn't open in the arvo on Thursdays, so instead I said we could go to the pool after she had a quiet time reading books in her play room while I had a little lie down, but then when I woke up from what turned out to be an hour-long kip, having slept through the departure of the legendary Mr Carlson (BUMMER! so sorry, mate!), and went to wake her up so we could head to the local billabong, I could not for the life of me rouse the girl! I talked to her, I rubbed her back, I pulled her blanket off a bit, Jasper banged on the jack-in-the-box and gurgled, all to no avail.

So instead, Jasper and I had a kind of picnic in the backyard, in the shade of the nappies on the line. (Today was pretty warm, mid-twenties? In fact, I got sunburnt at 11am when Jesse, Piper and I were sitting outside enjoying a cuppa (well, Jesse and I were enjoying our coffees; Piper was enjoying her dinosaurs from the toy library.) And the sun was still warm at 5pm. So yeah, that's a snippet of our day.

Did I say Jasper loves eating?!

AWOL on retreat

Hiya! We are alive even though it doesn't seem like it! I was going to post yesterday morning and then realised we didn't have any new photos to put up, which always makes a post more interesting. Given that yesterday was Melbourne Cup Day (a public holiday in honour of one of the longest horse races in the world - and no, John, I didn't head to the bookies this year!) and we were heading to Mum and Dad's for lunch, I thought I'd bring the camera and remedy the situation. Needless to say, I walked into the study to get it, forgot what I'd come in for, and walked out of the house without it. So for now, this is one boring ramble, with nothing to break it up. Apologies, but at least you know we're alive!

I was away on a retreat for five days last week, and Gord was away on a five-day retreat the week before that. We only saw each other for two days out of twelve, so communicating with a broader audience wasn't quite on the agenda. And we all know that Gord doesn't blog, hardly ever!! So I should really say, communicating with a broader audience wasn't on MY agenda! My retreat was pretty amazing - thirteen women in the circle, two babies. I felt very clear and happy most of the time, and it wasn't until I got home and had a massive downer the next day that I realised, oh yeah, it's easy being a fantastic mum when there's heaps of people willing to hold the baby any time during the day. And oh yeah, I was away from Gord and Piper, and they're the ones who push my buttons these days, much more so than Jasper. It was hard to come home and feel I had to instantly start compromising on my parenting, because I now had two kids to deal with, and because I wasn't in that ultra-supportive circle. Thank goodness Anna and Sam came over that day, and Gord came home early from work, otherwise things could have been dreadfully grim - well, grimmer than they already were!

This is just life, I'm pretty sure, this compromising balancing act, but it was just hard running face to face with it, and my own gaping limitations, on my first (and second) day home. My mum used the analogy of gravel rash to describe the rude shock of coming back to reality after a totally fantastic experience, and I think it's rather apt! I still haven't really connected with Gord - I'm in a wierd introverted headspace. One day I guess I'll emerge.

On a different note, since coming home, and since it's now November, it's really felt like Canada is coming up quickly. This is our month for getting everything done: the packing; pick up Gord's visa; get new credit cards; find out about a visa for me, given we're staying longer than six months; find a storage solution; use up all the food in the pantry; see all our best friends; and of course, for me, MAKE CHRISTMAS PRESENTS!! Ha, we'll see how much I get done. Gord is hoping I don't make myself too busy. It has been known to happen before!

So yeah, we're slowly gearing up. I'm collecting stationary, getting into a letter-writing headspace more and more. Somehow I'd like to write a Christmas newsletter too... anway, lots of stuff on the go. So yeah, that's why we've been a bit AWOL. Oh yeah, the kids are going really well. Jasper was so amazing on the retreat! And Piper absolutely loves hanging out with Caleb and Miri at Gembrook - they're in a real swing of being together. Interestingly enough, if we weren't going to Canada we're pretty certain we'd be moving to Gembrook in the not-too-distant future. As I keep saying to people, life feels pretty dynamic, full of possibilities (except when I'm in a shitful mood!!!!!!) Okay, so maybe it hasn't seemed so full of possibilities in the last couple of days, but hey, from a broad perspective, longterm, meta-narrative... Get my drift?!

Love to all...

50th post, a mellow Sunday

Well, the weather here in Melbourne today is 31 degrees, a true taste of the summer to come. Yes, the summer we'll hardly get to sample, before immersing ourselves in the frigidity of another continent! At least we get two summers in a row next year!

Today has been very low key. One of my favourite kinds of Sundays: one with nothing planned. We didn't even make it to the market, which is our standard practice: shopping and then reading the paper over a coffee while Piper gets her face painted and scams rides on the carousel from other more generous parents! (or gullible - ha!) Jasper and I slept in this morning til 9am! By the time we got up, Gord felt like going back to bed, so he did! Piper and I played in the tent outside for a while until it got too hot - well, she played and I knitted while providing whatever dialogue was required. While Jasper slept again and Piper watched a video, I embarked on a bit of sewing, gifts for a friend, so I can't say too much until I give them to her...

Gord's off work this week, and is heading away from Wednesday to Sunday. I'm gonna take off as well, to my parents' for a few days, and then to Gembrook for the usual working group meeting and working bee (not that I contribute much these days!). Next week, Jasper and I head off on a retreat of our own with a bunch of other women. Should be good, even though it feels a bit scary cos it's all unknown territory. But not as scary as heading off to tantra. At least I know what the place is like now, and some of the people, etc.

Oh yeah, I should mention that Gord's friend Jesse, from Canada, has been staying with us for almost two weeks, and will stay for two more, I believe. It's really fantastic having him around. He's a willing dish washer, baby-holder and conversationalist (amongst many other things!).It's taken the pressure off me to hear all Gord's ideas - now Jesse is taking most of the load!!

This week, on the 19th, my Mum turned fifty! She's in Tasmania at the moment with my Dad and her mother, visiting her sister Madonna and her husband and loving being tourists down there, I do believe! We had fun with them the night before they left. Had them over for tea and then went out for dessert. My friend Bek and I had conspired to get my mum's really good friend, Nonna, to this little event. My mum's reaction was great! (my dad has a funny photo of it - see the link on the sidebar.)

Here's GranNan and Jasper sharing a special moment... GranNan gives the best hugs...ohhhh, you little sausage!

Last weekend we visited our good friends the Pickards. Enjoyed lunch together and nattered all afternoon - lovely! Finally got a family photo!

Me and Rachel, my god-daughter.

Last but not least, here's a shot of Gord and Piper celebrating. Gord has officially entered his year of ministry!

A think

You are here
where you consume the boundaries of your faith
shed you skin as an offering
before you have grown a new one

Musings...

Have been having a bit of a conversation with Sharon, Gord's sister, about transcontinental communication, or, more to the point, our inter-family communication. It's made me look again at my desire to give gifts, and acknowledge that a part of it feels like necessity/compulsion, in the sense that I worry how others will feel if I don't give anything. It's highlighted by the fact that gift-giving hardly registers on Gord's radar. He calls his family a bit, perhaps emails, but pretty much, until we're in Canada, there's not much interaction. He hasn't hardly spoken to lots of the people he/we'll no doubt hang out with a lot while we're over there. And it doesn't seem to affect the relationships negatively - he just picks them up when we're in the country.

So Christmas is coming, and I've been making lists of family and friends, and thinking of gifts I can make for them, and this is an enjoyable process. But for one thing, it takes a lot of energy to make a range of gifts (even though it's fun) so I don't think my lists are entirely realistic. But more importantly, I hate how it feels like a one-woman show. It'd be cool if Gord and I chose to buy/make gifts together, but this just isn't going to happen. Just like it'd be cool if Gord and I both updated this blog.

So I have a choice here. Gord is obviously free to do whatever he likes, and I can either get pissed off at what can seem like a lack of contribution to elements of life that I value. Or, I can cut myself some slack and choose to let the blog fall behind, and not have hand-made, or any, gifts to give, without worrying how other people will feel. This makes space to ask myself what I actually want to do, as opposed to feeling like I need to make a gift or be writing here. Cos often I hate how the computer sucks so much energy. It makes space to just climb into bed, which is probably what I should be doing right now.

However, I find it really hard to switch off from how other people might feel. I don't ring that many people in Canada, so if I stop even putting stuff up on this blog, won't they think I'm not interested in them? And if I come empty-handed to Christmas lunch, because I don't necessarily want to buy stuff for the sake of it, won't everyone feel pissed off?

Just processing out loud here - still working it out...

So how do you do gift-giving in your family?

Betta but some photos up here to keep this blog interesting!

Here's Gord and Jas at Miri's 3rd birthday party at Gembrook (same as Jas and I, above).

Anna came round for tea on Monday, wanting to shave her head as an act of solidarity for a friend of her's at work who's having chemo. I did the honours, and I reckon she looks good! It's something you have to do once in your life, anyway... Love to all... And please don't take my lack of blogging personally! Chances are, I'm just nourishing myself by reading a book in bed, or something!

Painful conversations like pulling teeth!

So what's new?

Well, I'm having my wisdom teeth removed this coming Tuesday, part of getting ready to go to Canada. I don't want to have to think about my teeth while over there! They played up when I was six weeks pregnant with Jasper, so I couldn't do much about them then. I met the oral surgeon on Tuesday - seemed like a really nice guy. The thing I'm most stressed about it having to wear a hospital gown - it's such a symbolic stripping of oneself and one's autonomy. But yeah, I'm not too stressed about that, it'll just be new, my first time in hospital. I'm hoping the aftermath won't be too bad. I'm madly trying to EXPRESS myself so that Jasper doesn't dose up on my anaesthesia!

And...

I fell off my bike. So predictable. I was coming down a bit of Punt Rd (a majorly busy road), despite trying to avoid it - I was trying to get to the bike path by the river. Anyway, I had this big arse truck bearing down on me and I thought I should get out of the way. Decided to pull into a petrol station, but my bike tyre didn't handle the slight kerb very well. Slid off - could see it coming about 2 seconds before it actually happened. The damage wasn't as bad as I thought - the worst bit was a very grazed forearm. I got up straight away and didn't even feel like shedding a tear! It just added to the feeling that I was having a very bizarre day...

In the process, I scratched up my wedding ring. Showed it to Gord and he said it was symbolic of the scars we inflict on each other, which was quite meaningful, given we were kind of mid-argument. An unresolved conversation anyway. It's a bit more resolved now, but God, it's painful, when marriage functions as a mirror, as our wedding preacher said. Where the other person reflects back to you your own hurts and shortcomings. Yeah...

Other than that, I had a most lovely day yesterday. Jane, Caleb, Miri, Piper, Jas and I headed off to the Collingwood Children's Farm. Spent five hours there - talking, holding a baby, knitting, eating, drinking coffee - while the kids ran around. It's not like they totally amuse themselves, but it's so much easier when they can bounce off each other's energy. Well, easier except for when they crap on the grass! (thankfully it wasn't Piper!) I really enjoyed talking to Jane, enjoyed a woman's perspective on my unresolved conversation with my husband. I don't mean that negatively, that we bitched about Gord at all. It was just sooo nice to hear her musings on a whole range of topics, cos really, men and women think so differently about stuff. I went home feeling relieved - that was my dominant emotion - relieved that someone had understood and listened. (This is not to say that Gord hasn't been doing this!)

Dunno if I should rave on about all this, given the rather abstract nature of my ramblings, but the bottom line is, it's all good, cos this is really old stuff that I'm really glad to process, but like I said, in the moment, it's bloody painful.

But hey, I meant all that to sound positive. Hopefully it does! On a different positive note, I talked to Gord's sister today in Canada and was glad to touch base. And on another funny note, I've been cleaning out old memory boxes - basically the social paperwork (invitations, letters, etc) of previous years, and found some valentines some little girls wrote to my little brother ages ago. Too cute - I'm going to send them to him!

This is how the kids travel lately, if I need to take a pram and if Jasper doesn't need to sleep (in the sling). I love how their sibling relationship is developing- it's a joy to watch...